Our wedding night went as any other newlyweds would’ve. Locked doors, lights dimmed…and all that. The only difference was that we had a baby to look after. Little Carson would cry every few hours to be fed, changed, or snuggled. So although it was special, we still had responsibilities to attend to as parents.
Following that night, it didn’t come as a surprise to me when I found out Connor and I were expecting our second child. I was overjoyed that we were going to have another little one, but I was also exhausted all the time. Carson was still a baby and needed my constant attention. Connor worked long hours so he couldn’t always be there. But I managed. I loved my children and that made it all worthwhile.
We also remodeled our living room. Connor had recently gotten a bonus with his promotion and he decided to spend it on new furniture for the house. Honestly, I don’t blame him. The old furniture was starting to become quite the eyesore.
Telling Connor about my pregnancy was so much easier this time around. No hiding anything, no lies, I was just going to come right out and say it. “Connor…I’m pregnant.”
If you couldn’t already tell, he was delighted. “Wow. I can’t believe it! This is…amazing! I’m gonna be a daddy…twice!”
I couldn’t help but laugh at that. How cute is he?!
Sure enough, Carson’s birthday had snuck up on us and although I would’ve liked to have been the one to bring him to the cake, I was more than happy to let Connor. After all, if it wasn’t for Connor, Carson probably wouldn’t have known his daddy. Scary…but true.
And then I saw him. My little Carson, sweet innocent little baby that he was, had it. The curse. Yes, he took after me with his features and hair but his eyes… I don’t know why I hadn’t seen it before. It took all I had not to cry because I hadn’t even told Carson about everything the curse does. While yellow is happiness, hot pink is lust. My little boy wouldn’t be able to look at anyone without them feeling attracted to him–even other boys.
So that night I locked myself in my room, pulled out the curse book, and cried as I flipped each page.
Carson was a normal toddler. He loved to play with mommy and daddy and he was interested in learning how to walk, talk, and play the xylophone. I don’t think Connor noticed anything was different about our baby. I suppose he thought that Carson just had the same condition I had. Oh how I wish that were so.
I went into labor unexpectedly a few months later. It hurt like hell and I had trouble dialing the numbers on my cell phone so I could call Connor and a babysitter.
Early the next morning, after hours of painful labor that I had never felt with Carson, Riley Lane Grace was born weighing in at nine pounds ten ounces. He was my big boy and Connor and I instantly fell in love.
However, I couldn’t help but pray with all my heart that he didn’t end up with the same curse that Carson did. It was all my fault, and I will never be able to forgive myself…